This is an idea I had at work where you would list what you have learnt from watching the Indiana Jones trilogy! Steve and I came up with a few and posted them on IMDB.com and asked people to add there own! This is the list as it stood after only a few hours...you must be really bored/sad to read this!...
01. Never order the soup.
02. Never force someone onto a bridge with a little knife when you CLEARLY see your opponent raising his sword to cut the rope bridge.
03. Never try to pull someone's heart out without your special skull hat.
04. Don't look at the Ark when someone opens it. In fact, don't even touch it.
05. It is easy to knock someone out. (jab to the neck, a simple slap to the face, etc.)
06. It's possible to hold your scream for a minute or so and keep screaming. (as in Toht)
07. Don't pick a fight with a guy 10x bigger than you unless you saw a plane or a rock roller thingy beforehand.
08. Don't steal anything that is not yours, such as the Cross of Coronado.
09. Don't cross the seal when you have the Holy Grail.
10. Don't forget to carry your handy dandy diary to face the three Grail challenges.
11. Willie's father was a magacian and died a very poor man.
12. People say goodbye in Austria by sucking on each other's lips. People say goodbye in Germany by punching someone in the face.
13. If someone tells you to run, RUN!
14. If someone talks in their sleep, he/she is a Nazi.
15. If you get thrown out the windshield of a moving truck, just climb beneath the hood and work your way under the vehicle-- works best if you have a trusty whip to attach to the under carriage. That way you can work your way back onto the truck and whoop Nazi ass.
16. Neo means new. N-E-O-L-I-T-H-I-C
17. It's not the years, it's the mileage.
18. You can warn Jovitos warriors of a french archaeologist's evil intentions-- only if you speak Jovitos.
19. When you find yourself walking in an ancient, dark cave which holds a relic of great value, stay out of the light.
20. "Ships that pass in the night" is another way of saying that you and someone you know slept with the same person.
21. Shishad was an Egyptian pharaoh who once controlled the Ark of the Covenant.
22. It's cool to name yourself after your childhood pet.
23. Pricless artifacts belong in a museum.
24. If you are two short to reach the pedals of a vehicle, strap on some blocks to your feet and away you go.
25. Hitler will sign you an autograph if you just shove a book into his face.
26. The Well of the Souls is the location of the Ark.
27. Washington DC is also San Francisco City Hall (as seen in the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark).
28. Touching the breasts of a plaster stone lady thingy will activate a secret tunnel.
29. When fighting somebody, you both can enjoy a good laugh. Then you can punch him in the face.
30. In Ancient times, people left dead bodies around so they could pop out when anybody walks by them.
31. Snakes don't like fire.
32. Jesus drank from a crappy cup.
33. Chinese kids like to find treasure (Goonies, anybody?)
34. Nazis can't take a punch.
35. Every Ancient Cult/Military superpower has one big guy who dies in a grusome fashion.
36. Never trust feminine male princes.
37. scientists eat green apples.
38. Archaeologists make good palace slaves.
39. Nurhaci is a REAL small guy.
40. Forrestal was good, in fact he was very good.
41. Marakesh is the ONLY place you can sell a Chachopayan Fertility Idol.
42. Finding the Holy Grail is every man's dream.
43. Indy only speaks Chinese on special occasions.
44. Between 1935 and 1938 Indy learnt how to fly, but did not learn how to land.
45. It isn't surprising that Marcus got lost in his own museum, considering that the museum had the ability to move from San Fransisco to New York between 1936 and 1938.
46. A rubbing of the Grail tablet will EXACTLY match the markings on Sir Richard's Shield.
47. Jones Snr and Jnr have deep rooted, irrational fears of different, unappealling, animals.
48. Mola Ram has a vivid imagination.
49. Henry kept his life's work in a surprisingly small book.
50. Marion doesn't get drunk no matter how much she drinks.
51. God get's angry if you take a cup out of a cave.
52. If an evil cult needs to enslave local villagers, only the children are worth stealing to work in their mine.
53. A 13 year old Indy was taller than the town's sherriff.
54. Elephant's don't like perfume, even the expensive stuff.
55. Between 1912 and 1938 the 'owner' of the Cross of Coronado wore pretty much the same clothes.
56. Shanghai nightclubs are named after Jedi Knights who inhabited a galaxy far far away, quite a long time ago.
57. Shanghai nightclubs also feature large gongs with an exact copy of the paramount logo embossed in to them.
58. If you're a secret Nazi it's not a good idea to talk in your sleep.
59. There is no Chinese translation for the words 'Anything Goes'.
60. Indy only wears glasses when he is teaching, meeting with Museum benifactors or eating at posh Indian palaces.
61. It is impossible to see a thugee soldier if he is stood in front of a mural of lots of other thugee soldiers.
62. All Indy want's is the girl.
63. After a hard day fighting Nazi's, uncovering the ark, smashing through the well of soul's, being dragged behind a truck and getting shot - the only part's of your body that will not hurt are your forehead, eyelid, elbow and lips.
64. If you are dragged by a moving truck on a rocky road, your clothes won't tear.
65. If you absolutely must shoot the tail off of your own fighter plane, make sure no one else sees you do it.
66. An umbrella and a flock of seagulls can take out a WWII fighter plane.
67. Snakes, rats and giant insects love living in crowded conditions with no visible food or oxygen supplies.
68. Short Round is very little, Dr. Jones cheats very big.
69. The trouble with Willie is the noise.
70. Indy likes the Austrian way better...and so does his father.
71. Hitler signed his name in English.
72. Elsa can't forget how wonderful it was.
73. Only the penatent man will pass.
74. One Zippo lighter can ignite an entire medieval dining hall in 12.8 seconds.
75. If you're being pursued and your vehicle stalls, crashes, or is blown up, there will ALWAYS be another vehicle readily available--car, plane, boat, motorcycle, train, horse, zepplein, mine cart, life raft, submarine, tank, etc. But NO CAMELS!
76. If you sit, a solution will present itself.
77. Grail lore isn't archeology. It's a race against evil.
78. Indian blood elixir will make all of your body hair fall out.
79. Hearts continue to pump, and occasionally ignite, after they have been removed from the chest cavity.
80. Don't worry if you come across a wild cobra. There will be a plexiglass barrier protecting you.
81. It's prudent to risk an arm or even your life for your hat.
82. Booby traps constructed hundreds of years ago will nevertheless work flawlessly.
83. Archeological expeditions are a great way to meet attractive, single women.
84. Nazis come through the door.
85. Falling ashes from your torch won't ignite a river of petroleum.
86. Indy still doesn't believe in hocus pocus, even after seeing a guy surviving the removal of his heart, getting possessed by the blood of Kali, and watching three magic stones light on fire.
87. There's a big motherf*&king snake on this motherf*&king plane.
88. It is normal for German zeppelins to have flight attendants who speak English with American accents.
89. It is only safe to bring swords to gunfights in Star Wars.
90. Somebody managed to carve a tunnel straight into fiery hot lava.
91. Insects evolved to camouflage with leaves commonly live underground.
92. It is safer to go after gold idols during nighttime when there is no light.
93. Indy can outrun darts.
94. It is best to make your motorcycle escape before your boat distraction has led your pursuers a long way away.
95. Nobody on a zeppelin will get suspicious when a man whose face is on a "Wanted" poster and speaks with a clear American accent punches a Nazi official out a window, but will when they find out the radio's dead.
96. Water traveling through tunnels won't go into adjourning tunnels via pathways people could easily go through.
97. Nazi's have a tendency to be evil.
98. The bad guys like to disguise trucks as shops and simply wait for good guys to wander into them.
99. Dumb blondes existed in the 30's.
100. It takes a few hours for zeppelin pilots to realize their radio's dead.
101. Indy thought it would take longer.
102. A leap of faith is no different than a step of faith.
103. A camouflaged bridge looks invisible from many different angles.
104. If you don't believe in an invisible bridge, you will fall through it.
105. When choosing between immortal life and death, it is best to put that gamble in the hands of a Nazi.
106. It takes only a few seconds for Indy and Henry Sr. to undress a pair of Nazi's and put their clothes on.
107. You can easily pull a submachine gun out of the hands of a Nazi who's pointing it at you.
108. Germans and French people talk English to each other.
109. Butter knifes can be used to threaten people.
110. When unwary adventures get crushed to death in sealed rooms with spiky ceilings, their skulls will remain, but the rest of their skeletons will disappear.
111. Only bad guys wear eye patches, as only bad guys will lose an eye.
112. The knight guarding the Holy Grail has had a lot of free time on his hands.
113. Two thousand year old booby traps have motion sensors built in.
114. A lot of tarantulas will congregate on one dude's back for no reason at all.
115. Giant rolling boulders are much more practical booby traps than shooting spikes and collapsing floors.
116. Locals are more afraid of statues in their own countries than foreigners.
117. Inflatable rafts can slide down rocky hills without getting punctured.
118. The best way for a pilot to kill an enemy in your plane is to jump out.
119. There's something wrong with the fuel meter until the low-fuel light blinks on.
120. Once the low-fuel warning light is on, you'll only have a few seconds to land. After that, the propellers stop.
121. Jungles are apparently full of living things.
122. What was man thinking when he learned to milk cows?
123. In case of fire, head to the fire place.
124. Belloq will find a new adversary in the local sewer
125. Americans are all the same.
126. If you throw the idol, Alfred Molina (what's his character's name?) will not throw the whip.
127. To be cautious is to carry a gun.
128. Nazis are not only evil, but dumb most of the time.
129. Asps are very dangerous.
130. A sign of bad dates is that the monkey is dead.
131. Giant Tibetan Sherpas and Nazi Plane Mechanics look strikingly similar.
132. Only the mission to the Fuhrer matters.
133. To survive (and keep you hat on) while traveling on a sub underwater, the only suggestion is to be Indiana Jones.
134. There is no time for love.
135. Nothing shocks scientists
136. There's a lot of dust on old, wooden bridges.
137. The Sankara stones are fortune and glory.
138. When a chinese child says they love you, they burn you with a torch.
139. The Sultan of Madagascar threatened to cut off Indy's...misunderstanding.
140. Birds can be confused with vampire bats.
141. To stop the weight of a stone ceiling from slowly smashing you, use a tiny ancient human skull. It may not last long, but it slows it down enough for the whiny blonde you brought along to reopen the door you need to get out.
142. Wu Han goes first.
143. If you call Indy junior long enough, he will shoot nazis.
144. WWII: Germany, Italy and Japan vs. USA, Britain and Russia WWIII: Germany vs. the Jones Boys
145. Indy belongs in a museum.
146. To save yourself from being thrown overboard on one of your longest enemie's boats, just wait for a really big wave.
147. If needing to make a large escape off of a boat, it is customary to use a rope that seems to attatched to nothing more than the air.
148. Nazis should try reading books instead of burning them.
149. X never marks the spot
150. X marks the spot.
151. Sultans know alot about Rolls-Royce Phantoms.
152. Fish make love in water.
153. Indy chose wisely.
154. To make an invisible bridge visible, throw sand on it.
155. Jehovah begins with an "i" in the latin alphabet, but everything else is fine.
156. Coronado is dead and so are all of his grandchildren.
157. Do not use a whip near a horse driven wheel cart - unless you want it to move.
158. Your hat will never fall off, unless there’s a big risk of dying and you know it.
159. If you swim to a submarine and cannot find a way inside it, do not worry, it won't dive.
160. Only stupidos do not stay out of the light.
161. Don't throw out the top of the monkey's skull after you've prepared its brain, you'll need it as a cover for decorative purposes when it's served.
162. Don't stand behind a heavy box in an open-ended truck - you'll end up with your head through the windshield of a car.
163. You can make huge statues fall over by climbing to their top and wiggling them a bit.
164. Big diamonds and ice cubes shouldn't mix.
165. It's ok to punch women if they're selling cigarettes.
166. Punching someone always sounds the same.
167. If your head is chopped off by a giant death trap it will roll a great distance.
168. Don’t count on the logo of a Mercedes truck for support – neither its grill on the front.
169. Professors actually have a life.
170. Sometimes, heads decapitated by saw blades will roll a great distance away. Other times, they will land right next to the body.
171. Umbrellas can down airplanes.
172. Henry Jones Sr. isn't afraid to sacrifice the lives of several innocent birds to save his own skin.
173. Trucks filled with explosives will blow up when they tip over.
174. It is perfectly acceptable conduct for college professors to escape nagging students by climbing out a window.
175. If you're discussing how to find the Holy Grail, you won't be able to hear people trashing your room next door.
176. People don't check the bathroom when searching rooms.
177. The grail diary is better off with the Marx brothers.
178. Snakes like to slither through skulls for no reason.
179. Horses can catch up to trucks.
180. If you can't find a rouge truck after chasing it into a dead end, then smash a watermelon and leave.
181. Short Round was expecting Indy to jump out a window.
182. Sand is lethal if it's in the Ark of the Covenant.
183. Nearly getting ripped apart by an angry lion and almost getting your nuts impaled by a rhino's horn won't give you a lifelong phobia, but falling into a train full of snakes will.
184. Indy has gotten a haircut since the age of 13.
185. It's okay for small Chinese children to yell "I love you" to grown half-naked sweat covered men.
186. A small child can knock out two fully grown men with a flying kick.
187. Pay attention to propeller blades when you're fighting.
188. Big German musclemen will bleed after getting punched in the face a few times, but Indiana Jones won't.
189. Fate prevents Indy from ever losing his hat. It's gotta be divine intervention.
190. Ropes in mines can swing for several hundred feet without getting any slack.
191. Grenades detonate as soon as they hit the ground.
192. Nazi castles have lots of secret doors.
193. When Indy gets captured, his weapons are confiscated, but not his lighter.
194. Henry Sr. has to yell "What?" five times before Indy realizes he's gotten his attention.
195. Snakes feel like elephant trunks.
196. Nazi scientists are likey to keep very important grail diaries even after they return to Berlin.
197. People will remain standing for quite a long while even after their back gets covered in darts.
198. Short Round is too shy to watch two people kiss, but hundreds of cheering Indian children aren't.
199. Shish kababs can be deadly.
200. It's a bad idea to drink wine when it's offered by shady gangsters.
201. When you can't see and you're in a room filled with innocent bystanders, it's okay to punch anyone you see.
202. The pop of a wine bottle can muffle a gunshot.
203. It's okay to shoot a guy pointing a gun at you if he can't hear the gunshot.
204. You can fool a librarian by stomping on the ground at the same time that he stamps a book...
205. If you're going to hide in a barrel, make sure to mark it first so that Indy will know in which you are hidden.
206. You should wear good sun tan lotion if you are ever going to open the Ark.
207. Burning one's hand will take you out of hypnosis.
208. A bag of sand does not weigh the same as a golden idol.
209. When a woman comes out of the dessert, please feed her right away.
210. Every adventure gives you exactly ONE girlfriend.
211. The girlfriend from your second adventure will marry the director.
212. The girlfriend from the third adventure will betray you.
213. Only the girlfriend from the first adventure was actually good.
214. A burnt hand can be used to make replicas of artifacts from history.
215. Magic spells can ignite rocks ... even if you don't believe in hocus pocus or bedtime stories.
216. Never mount a man's plane if you have just had fight with him.
217. Whenever your children misbehave, just have them count in a foreign language.
218. Nobody in Egypt speaks English or ancient Greek.
219. You can tell a Zeppelin is turning around by watching the shadow on your drink.
220. An escape plane on a Zepellin is neither guarded or kept locked.
221. Dr. Jones Sr. resembles ... James Bond.
222. The Nazis took shooting lessons at the same academy as Storm troopers from the Star Wars saga.
223. Two out of three girlfriends will not betray you... not bad.
224. Blonds do not like their fingernails breaking.
225. Never be the first one to climb down a dark hole with snakes at the bottom.
226. Don't let your dad man the machine gun on a vintage aircraft.
227. Kevin Smith plagiarized.
228. "Indy" is a nickname for "Indiana", which itself is a nickname for "Henry"
229. Snakes like to hang around dead people.
230. Dead people only fall on top of girls who are scared easily.
231. Random explosions must mean Indiana Jones is interfering.
232. A girl can scream after the hand around her throat squeezes.
233. If confronted by Hitler, stay cool and hand him the book.
234. Fat eagle scouts do exist.
235. Fighter pilots should not chase cars into tunnels.
236. Old fashioned motorcycle lancing is still more effective than automatic firearms.
237. God was nice enough to untie Indy and Marion after melting a few Nazis' faces off.
238. Nobody noticed the ancient artifacts in Venice when they constructed the sewers.
239. When in doubt just fake a scottish accent, for some reason Nazis will then believe you.
240. Pouring perfume on an elephant's head will not diminish its foul odor.
241. A snake can easily be mistaken for an elephant's trunk.
242. Never trust french scientists.
243. One can pick up a rock from the ground while riding a horse without actually dismounting.
244. A misfired shot inside a tank will always hit the guy who is driving.
245. A submarine will not dive if you use it as a getaway car.
246. Water from the holy grail will not only give you everlasting life, but it will seal a gunshot wound as well. Did the bullet stay inside the body???
247. Apparently good spelling is a requisite for everlasting life. (In ancient languages)
248. For some reason the wrong letters break while the correct letters don't.
249. An invisible bridge is only invisible from certain angles.
250. Alligators wait under bridges for people to fall off.
251. Indian elders in far away remote villages speak pretty good English.
252. The knight guarding the grail looks pretty good for a 700 year old man.
253. The knight guarding the grail speaks modern English! He must have a TV set in there to entertain himself with.
254. If in doubt over the content of your food, give it to a monkey first.
255. Indians have a gross taste in food.
256. Jovitos all have the same haircut as Moe from the Three Stooges.
257. When all else fails.........just shoot the guy with the really big sword
258. For some reason the hard "q" in Beloq becomes a completely different sound when translated into certain arabic languages.
259. The "surprise" is never good, when referring to authentic Indian food.
260. Incessant whining is a pet peeve of some archaeologists.
261. Boy scouts in the early 1900's had some pretty amazing outings, and every scout had his own horse.
262. In Indian catacombs, skeletons of previous victims have the amazing ability to move about on their own.
263. If the boulder isn't moving too quickly, you should definitely slow down and glance back at it as much as possible.
264. Two main musical themes are always better than one.
265. Short chinese boys come with really cool theme music.
266. Nazis are always a good enemy--and apparently they don't have very good security in Berlin.
267. Want of the grail has the power to erase short-term memory, especially when hanging over a chasm.
268. He was the next man.
269. German citizens respond to the english words "No Tickets" when riding on a Nazi Zeppelin without any alarm.
270. You can carry a torch underwater and then under a sarcaphagus when petroleum is saturated throughout without any explosion but, a simple match will blow it all to hell.
271. Thuggee faithful can't shoot arrows for crap. As seen when Indy is hanging still on a broken rope bridge, AKA easy target.
272. All you need is a bull whip.
273. Always test the food on a Monkey first.
274. Even Monkeys can join the Nazi Party.
275. Someone should start a thread like this for the KARATE KID movies. Here are some more Indy ones:
276. One plucky American professor and his rascal friends can take down the entire German military. Twice.
277. The Paramount logo is one of the most recurring motifs in the natural world.
278. Double-check a Nazi's size before you knock him out to steal his uniform.
279. The Venetian sewer system actually drains into a series of early Christian catacombs.
280. Indy liked milkshakes when he was young.
281. Learn to use a bullwhip before you just start cracking it at everything that moves because you might get a permanent facial scar.
282. Top men are examining the Arc of the Covenant.
283. If you're wandering around any random Egyptian town or city, chances are good that you'll run into Sallah.
284. Jones is dead. I killed him. He was of no use to us.
285. The stones will be found. Dr. Jones won't.
286. My soul is prepared. How is yours?
287. Indiana Jones cheats at cards.
288. And he knows how to count in Greek.
289. Scottish pilots with dodgy accents always travel with their pet snakes.
290. There is nothing Dr. Jones can possess which Belloq cannot take away.
291. The Ark of the Covenant is a transmitter...a radio for speaking to God.
292. Indiana Jones has a much more inventive method for talking to God.
293. You can escape a deranged Frenchman simply by wearing a sexy white dress, seducing him and getting him drunk. But you will inevitably be caught by even more deranged Nazis.
294. The desert is three days in every direction.
295. Always test your dates by feeding them to your pet monkey.
296. The Ark of the covenant is in a secret government warehouse. Somewhere.
297. If you want to piss off some creepy German dude, call him "Herr Mac."
298. Just don't do it anywhere near anything he can use as a torture device. Like a fire poker.
299. Marion was a child. She was in love. It was wrong, and Indy knew it.
300. Indiana Jones is Henry Jones Jr's professional name.
301. A bullwhip is a very useful, multifunctional tool that no archeaologist worth his salt should be without.
302. If you're a cool enough badass, your hat will never fall off your head, no matter what crazy s h i t you do. Almost.
303. You can be thrown through the windshield of a moving truck, fall under it, be dragged behind it, and subsequently get back into it and kick the ass of the dude who threw you out in the first place, if you have your trusty whip.
304. Willie Scott may be a famous singer, but she doesn't know her left from her right.
305. She also can't tell the difference between a snake and an elephant trunk.
306. Asps are very dangerous.
307. The Chinese knew how to stage Busby Berkeley style musicals even in nightclubs in the 30s.
308. The true grail will bring you life, but the false grail will take it from you. You must choose wisely.
309. Walter Donovan chose...poorly.
310. Ripping someone's heart out of their chest will not kill them right away if you chant a prayer to Kali first.
311. Rocks with diamonds inside of them will glow spontaneously and for no reason if they are in proximity to each other.
312. Listening to Short Round will make you live longer.
313. Willie wears her jewels to bed. And nothing else.
314. Nothing shocks Indy. He's a scientist.
315. If you "covah ya HAAHT!" Mola Ram can't rip it out. Even if he chants to Kali.
316. The biggest problem with Willie Scott is the noise.
317. Whatever you do, DON'T call Indiana Jones "Junior."
318. Goose-stepping morons should try reading books instead of burning them.
319. Marion Ravenwood can conk a guy over the head with a frying pan, drag his body inside and be outside again in less then 6 seconds flat.
320. Indiana Jones HATES Nazis.
321. But he LOVES Venice.
322. And he left home just when he was becoming interesting.
323. Indy once punched out Mickey Mouse.
324. No matter what you do to him, Indiana Jones will kick your ass.
325. The Austrian way of saying goodbye is better than the German way.
326. Belloq got some bad static when he used his "radio for speaking with God"
327. Indy can be shot, punched, tortured, dragged under moving vehicles, but being hit in the chin with a mirror will ALWAYS hurt more :)
328. The correct way to backhand your enemy.
329. If you don't want your diary full of secret and precious information to fall into the wrong hands, mail it to the Marx Brothers.
330. Only the penatant or the dwarf will pass
331. People that have been trained to defend the secret of the cup of christ do not do their job well enough even when they have the element of surprise and have a vantage point.
332. If you are going after the cup of christ--you will die, if you are going to save your father--god is with you.
333. It is totally possible to hold on to a submarine with a bull whip...even when it is moving underwater.
334. After jumping out of a plane on a raft, you do not need to worry---your hat will stay on your head.
335. I missed Sallah in Temple of Doom.
336. Never become a member of the Nazi party or the Thugee because your leaders don't give a crap about you.
337. Harrison Ford is much better than Tom Selleck.
338. Venice is awesome.
339. Always have your ticket ready on a Zeppelin.
 |
